I'm lazy today. So here's another sneak peek. I was going to colour it but got tired. Got a few more pages done and wrote a little on the script. I was to update the website then realized that despite having done little else but draw, I still have no new material. Weird.

Where do you put them all? In a blog where they don't fit? In a corner where they're secret and building up just as much? Try to write it down and gain control of them, but it's no use if it's just you and the paper because then they're just bouncing around in a bigger area. Don't watch your step they might hit you in the head someday.

Oh, gosh, I thought November was busy. Turns out December is worse! January will probably also be packed. Working on the cosplay, working in general, drawing, writing, reading. Watching the X-Files. I should make a system. Ugh. Tired.

Waiting for my awesome Inkling which I got for awesome Christmas because my family is awesome and I'm excited because it's awesome.

Good news is Translation & Interpretation only takes 1,5 years. Bad news is it is required to have 60 hp in the language of your choice. Otherwise I thought I could've become a translator and worked with that while studying mandarin, but surprise, I don't have 60 hp in English. Fuck. I'm just going to get so bored studying the same thing.

Anyway I was thinking, if I pass my stupid exams, I'd have introductory course II for spring along with French. Then another fall, maybe, the big fish and another introductory course. (And if they won't hold the course then but later, I could study something else in the meantime or give myself some time off.) Then maybe I'd go abroad one summer to study a bit. Then study for like 2,5 years more.  I'd be like, 25, and have studied for 6 years. Oh dear god. Approx.

Maybe I can squeeze some beginner's courses into there. Dutch, Arabic? French and German during the summers? I could make it my annual thing to go on a linguistic journey each summer. I wonder if there are any summer courses. Then take a break and just work for a few years, then if I feel like it, continue my studies. People do it all the time, don't they? I mean, it's like having any other hobby, except I can make money off of mine.

So basically I'll be in school forever and ever. But as long as I can work on the side, I guess. Yeah. Okay. Hell, I have teachers who still go to school. It's fun! It's fun, fun, fun. Either if you study part time, or if you freelance / have a very flexible job. It works.

If only there was time to study some philosophy, too. Sigh. OH, WELL. THIS IS THE PLAN, FELLAS. Now excuse me while I go have another existential crisis.

SHIT

I must be coming down with a cold. Every muslce in my entire body is completely exhausted and useless. I sleep all the time and I'm still terribly tired. I guess maybe last night didn't help, as I laid awake panicking about life and everything. Then I bathed in some general anxiety at the subway. Calmed down and now I'm at work, feeling like every bone in my body has been pulverized.

I'm just freaking out about my life in general.

''Life is locomotion. If you're not moving, you're not living.''

Barry Allen inspiring me to do what I want to do, even if it might be slightly stupid and reckless. My brother said I'm young and supposed to be moving about all over the place. I don't want to get stuck in one place. No place is ever really it, you know? Neh. I'm just talking crazy again.

It's just. It's all so limited. We're all dying. This is all so very pointless. It's big. Huge. We're... we're supposed to do something, right? But what? And how?

''At some point you have to stop running from something and start running towards something.''

You have to keep the faith. You have to do something with your life. Be relentless. Because those who succeed are those who never gave up, no matter how much something sucked. Stagnation is the enemy. Is it alright in youth to run aimlessly? To run just to run? If you run enough, do you arrive somewhere? Or do you just land far off the map? ''We slave, then expire.'' 

So what do you want to do with your life? Do you even know? If you know, how will you do it? What will you do if you fail? Or is there no point to having a plan B? Maybe one should stop thinking about the possibility of failure. Stop thinking about the consequences if you make a wrong move. Think of what you want to do, where you want to go, and go there. Make a plan and go there.

I don't want to wake up one day to realize I've stopped. To realize I've done nothing but trample water. If you were to ask me today what I do with my time, the answer would be ''I get up, go to work, go home, eat cereal, go to bed. Repeat.'' That's not what I want my entire life to be. I want to do what I want to do. I want to try. I want to make something I can be proud of, remembered by. I want to make something worthwhile.

Who cares if people get upset or hurt or whatever. This is my life. I get one. I have to get it right.
Right? We're not supposed to waste this.

Gosh, I'm really getting tired of having an existential crisis every time someone brings anything life-related up.

Y'know when you just got so much to do, your mind tells you that you don't have to do anything? That's my brain now.

Already got lights and shit up in the trees down the street from where I work. I hadn't even considered if I had money in my budget for decoration - I had dumbly assumed my decor shit from last year would still be in my ownership but ha ha, now, in hindsight, I can laugh at the naïve foolishness of the past - but I think I still have some garlands.

Though my Christmas tablecloth - which was fucking magnificent, I tell you - is lost to oblivion so. Need a new... what are they called.. advent... candle.. holders... things. Brb google translate. Advent candle stick? Uhm. Okay. Sure. Whatever.


This shit.

And gifts. Oh dear, the gifts. I never buy gifts. Are... are soaps okay? Fuck, I don't even know. Though I'm poor, so I think I should get some leniency here if I buy something kind of shitty. Uh. I kind of want to draw Christmas themed, well, drawings. And uhm. Christmas... short story?

Who are you kidding, you can't be that productive, you're a lazy bum. Make realistic plans.

Well, alright. I'll just wait for Lucia and make saffron buns.



Yeaaaaaaaaah, bitches.

I do believe dislike of your own work is a good fuel for practice, and a good carrot to try harder. One must not be disheartened by failure, merely strive onwards and rather one should be happy; it is when one  cannot improve, when you hit the wall, that worry should set in. A road is usually long and hard when the goal is precious. And that's fine. Perhaps we need to be humble to achieve but at the same time, confidence or perhaps faith is important as well.

AKA the dangers of getting PS back after two months.

I've been too lazy to log on and write anything. Not that I have a lot to say, really. It's uuhm. Still too lazy to talk about Batman Live. On another note my stationary comp is up and running, so, hey, yay, Photoshop!