SHIT

So I think I'm going with Washington, Vega and then either Odessa or the new image, depending on how it looks later on. Then the boom strip, a page from the trio comic aaaand... I dunno whether to just dig something up or draw something new. I do have an old script lying around that I could illustrate. Hmm. All I know is that is has to be completed tomorrow. Then some writing. Reading. Other things that I may do on Thursday or Friday.

So. Hi. Yes. I have stuff going on. Indeed. Finally something to file for projects!

I must be coming down with a cold. Every muslce in my entire body is completely exhausted and useless. I sleep all the time and I'm still terribly tired. I guess maybe last night didn't help, as I laid awake panicking about life and everything. Then I bathed in some general anxiety at the subway. Calmed down and now I'm at work, feeling like every bone in my body has been pulverized.

I'm just freaking out about my life in general.

''Life is locomotion. If you're not moving, you're not living.''

Barry Allen inspiring me to do what I want to do, even if it might be slightly stupid and reckless. My brother said I'm young and supposed to be moving about all over the place. I don't want to get stuck in one place. No place is ever really it, you know? Neh. I'm just talking crazy again.

It's just. It's all so limited. We're all dying. This is all so very pointless. It's big. Huge. We're... we're supposed to do something, right? But what? And how?

''At some point you have to stop running from something and start running towards something.''

You have to keep the faith. You have to do something with your life. Be relentless. Because those who succeed are those who never gave up, no matter how much something sucked. Stagnation is the enemy. Is it alright in youth to run aimlessly? To run just to run? If you run enough, do you arrive somewhere? Or do you just land far off the map? ''We slave, then expire.'' 

So what do you want to do with your life? Do you even know? If you know, how will you do it? What will you do if you fail? Or is there no point to having a plan B? Maybe one should stop thinking about the possibility of failure. Stop thinking about the consequences if you make a wrong move. Think of what you want to do, where you want to go, and go there. Make a plan and go there.

I don't want to wake up one day to realize I've stopped. To realize I've done nothing but trample water. If you were to ask me today what I do with my time, the answer would be ''I get up, go to work, go home, eat cereal, go to bed. Repeat.'' That's not what I want my entire life to be. I want to do what I want to do. I want to try. I want to make something I can be proud of, remembered by. I want to make something worthwhile.

Who cares if people get upset or hurt or whatever. This is my life. I get one. I have to get it right.
Right? We're not supposed to waste this.

Gosh, I'm really getting tired of having an existential crisis every time someone brings anything life-related up.

Y'know when you just got so much to do, your mind tells you that you don't have to do anything? That's my brain now.

No time

Already got lights and shit up in the trees down the street from where I work. I hadn't even considered if I had money in my budget for decoration - I had dumbly assumed my decor shit from last year would still be in my ownership but ha ha, now, in hindsight, I can laugh at the naïve foolishness of the past - but I think I still have some garlands.

Though my Christmas tablecloth - which was fucking magnificent, I tell you - is lost to oblivion so. Need a new... what are they called.. advent... candle.. holders... things. Brb google translate. Advent candle stick? Uhm. Okay. Sure. Whatever.


This shit.

And gifts. Oh dear, the gifts. I never buy gifts. Are... are soaps okay? Fuck, I don't even know. Though I'm poor, so I think I should get some leniency here if I buy something kind of shitty. Uh. I kind of want to draw Christmas themed, well, drawings. And uhm. Christmas... short story?

Who are you kidding, you can't be that productive, you're a lazy bum. Make realistic plans.

Well, alright. I'll just wait for Lucia and make saffron buns.



Yeaaaaaaaaah, bitches.

IT MAY BE THE COFFEE TALKING but maaaaaaaan

Well, reimagining an old idea of mine.

I do believe dislike of your own work is a good fuel for practice, and a good carrot to try harder. One must not be disheartened by failure, merely strive onwards and rather one should be happy; it is when one  cannot improve, when you hit the wall, that worry should set in. A road is usually long and hard when the goal is precious. And that's fine. Perhaps we need to be humble to achieve but at the same time, confidence or perhaps faith is important as well.

AKA the dangers of getting PS back after two months.

I've been too lazy to log on and write anything. Not that I have a lot to say, really. It's uuhm. Still too lazy to talk about Batman Live. On another note my stationary comp is up and running, so, hey, yay, Photoshop!